How My Motorcycle Dealer Turned Me into A Faggot By : Saddletramp Phase: I
As I recall it as a bright sunny day as I wandered into my local motorcycle dealer.I got my first “real bike” at the age of fourteen. All used bikes so far, but I finally had saved enough for a new bike. Going shopping by myself was nothing new to me. The bright shiny building with the sign reading “Were glad you’re here!” over the finger print free glass doors. As I entered the shop the cool air was a relief from the summer heat. The change in temperature made my glasses fog over. I took them off toWipe them with my T-shirt. The smell of new tires and other things was a delight to the nose! Wiping my glasses I heard a voice in some obscure part of the building gleefullyAnnounce, Welcome to Cycle World, We’re glad you’re here!!! Voice was a little high, pitched I thought, I guessed it was from the A/C. A young man strode to my with his hand out. I gave him mine and shook. Name’s Mark, I’m Lance, how can I help you?Just looking I flatly said. What kind of bike do you ride now he politely asked? Honda,And you? Honda is my favorite brand too. Just about that time a short bald man walked passed by us and I could have sworn he patted the sales mans ass. Lance will take good care of you he said as he kept walking. Looked at several bikes and finely Chose a 750/4 close out. Phase: II
After all the talking and looking and wondering I went to get my hat & gloves. Threw the keys for my Honda to Lance. Feeling I had done rather well in the deal I watched as Lance startedAlmost ahh, prancing to the back office to get the keys. Hurt in a wreck I wondered.I started outside to unlock my helmet and grab my gloves. He stopped dead in his tracks spun around like a dancer and said don’t go far.Lance walked off, well almost danced off, in another direction. After about five minutes he returned smiling as before. Ok, he gleefully said, Your bike has already been serviced and you can be on your way. A mechanic rolled it into the parking lot and put down the stand. Lance and I walked to the new bike and the man handed me the key. I gave it a quick once over and donned my helmet, and gloves, ready to leave.Lance sang out, That helmet just does not go with that bike. I looked at him and said ICant afford a new one right now avoiding his salesman’s attempt to take more cash from my wallet. NO, NO,NO he squealed Wait right here just a moment. He took offAnd I put the key in adjusted the choke and pressed the start button. 4 smooth cylinders purring like kittens below me. Well here bounds Lance With a brand newHelmet. A nice one. He said, let’s trade. I gave him my hat and put the new one on.I liked the hat but wondered about a little sticker on the base of it advertising the dealer. Well have fun and I’ll see you soon, Thanks for the helmet, oh sure, on the house, we like our riders to look nice. I blew it off and eased the bike out of the lot. Brand new 750/4, a sweet ride. It took me less than a week to put the first 500 milesOn it and took it in for service. Lance was there and waved that limp wristed wave of his and I went to the “service department”. Phase III
They took the bike around back and my girlfriend picked me up at about the same time. This was Thursday afternoon. FridayMy gal got me to work. Break time, I called to ask about my bike, and “Davie” answered the phone and I could hear mechanic noise in the background.In almost the same high voice as Lance, Service department, how may I help you?Checking on my bike, I said, names Mark. The light red 750. One moment please.Click, ya the hold button. After three or so minutes of listening to Elton John elevatorMusic “Davie” came back and said Well! Those guys have left and didn’t tell me!!! That one sentence told me this Dude’s queer. I totally expected him to start crying orSomething when he said Please call back tomorrow, click. Friday afternoon late. GotNo bike, my buddy changed his plans to give me a ride, to my bike, ect… It was goin’South quick. Got 22.00 and change, my gal can pick me up, all is not lost. Well At noon Saturday I got a ride to the Dealer and to my surprise they were open and wereGoing to be open till I was sitting on my bike, leaving the parking lot. I walked in through the back (so no mechanic might escape) and the shop was empty. My watch read 12:06 p.m. There were five bike lifts in the shop. My bike was STILL on one, the one nearest the office. Walking to it I saw the spark plugs laying on a red rag, oil panHalf full of oil. With what was most likely the drain plug for my bike. I started towardThe office door and almost knocked over “Davie“. We stopped just in time to keep me from running over his 90 pound ass. The only thing that prevented it was a small window in the swinging doors that kept the A/C inside the showroom. He made a noiseI can describe the sound from his mouth was a Skreel. Half scream, half squeal,Sir! he chortled, Customers must enter through the show room. Mark, is my name and why the fuck ain’t my bike ready like Lance swore it would be? Putting his hands on his hips he said, That Bitch!!! More under his breath than anything. Sir, Lance works in sales, and I run this part of the dealership. Now even this young, nineteen yearOld kid that has just dropped almost two thousand bucks on a new ride don’t want toHear shit like that on a Saturday afternoon. Now I am 6’1 or 6’ depending on how I stand. I stared at him and calmly said, this motorcycle is all there is between walkin’And riding. It takes a lazy mechanic no more than 30 minutes to do a 500 mile on a bike. Sir, I don’t know how this happened and I will go get the owner. (and maybe change his pants). Phase IV
In less than a minute the little bald guy and Davie came almost running through the door. Davie was doing his best to hide behind baldie. Mark was thinking two punches tops. When your 19 you don’t think about shit like jail, not yet anyway.My name’s Biff, I own the dealership. There seems to be a problem with your bike.He walked by me and over to the 750. Awe yes, this is the one. ( This is when In a different parallel) he started rubbing my tummy with his soothing words. I rode thisBike one afternoon and the clutch is not right. Lance should have known not to sell it yet. Feeling more at ease he keeps rubbing as he starts to un do his fly. These clutchPacks are rather expensive I’m afraid were going to have to ask you to pay half. I won’t charge labor. But it’s brand new I started to cry. Son, I can call you Son, Can’t I? Warranty won’t cover any bike with over 500 miles on it for clutch failure. The Speedo reads 517.5 , When I rode it home it had 16 miles on it. I could treat this as rider abuse and charge full price for the repairs. Other less honest Dealers have done it before. But you look like a nice young man and Blah, blah, blah, I looked at “Davie”.I would not do that to you, he smiled. Davie was scared. No we would not want that at all.See we would have to lie to Honda about the mileage and that wouldn’t be right. ItMust have been still damp from the “last customer” he “helped” It didn’t hurt much atAll as he slowly, ever so slowly slipped it in. Mentally I could almost feel his hands on my hips. This guy is Good I thought to myself as what he said made sense Phase V
I will have one of the boys take you home and your bike will be ready Monday. I willSee to it myself. With nothing more than a strange feeling I thanked him and “Davie”Took me home. The weekend went well as my girlfriend and I had more time together.She took me to work and was to pick me up to go and get the bike. I cleared it with the boss and left 10 minutes early. My gal was there to pick me up right on time and we went through the lite traffic to the dealership.My bike was sitting in the showroom and I thought it was odd. I had my helmet in oneHand and gloves in the other. I was not in the mood to shake hands knowing it was going to cost me another hundred bucks to get to ride my NEW bike home. Lance almost hurt himself trying to get up from his desk to greet me. It was all I could do to keep from laughin’. He pranced toward me gleefully almost singing “were so happy you’re here” Before I could even open my yap he said that he had a chat with the boss and felt I should not have to pay for the repair. It was his fault and I was going to get a “free” ride. I was stunned and he put his hand on my shoulder saying he was indeed sorry. The aftershave he was wearing for some reason smelled good to me.I softened my stance a little and we walked to my bike. Just like new he skreeled again! I kinda laughed and said it IS new Dude. You know what I mean, silly it’s ready to go. So relieved that the numbers in my poor checkbook were not going to change ISaid that I was thinking about a windshield as I didn’t like face shields. Just when I thought it was not possible for Lance to get any happier He did. Grabbing my wrist,( I still was holding my gloves and helmet) he led me to the “Toys R Us” for bikers.The parts/accessory department. In this wonderland of shiny stuff I was in awe. I knewI was on thin ground here and needed to keep my wits about me. Got the one piece clear/smoke fairing type that extends over the handle bars too. It was the last one Lance exclaimed as the bored parts girl put it in a really big plastic bag. $186.14 has left the wallet. Offering to install it for an extra $10.00 I said no thanks and then realized I had no way to get it home. A half hour later I was handing a little mechanic’s helper two 5’s and was on the way home. Parked safely in the garage ISpent the rest of the evening with my sweetie but for some reason could not get that little fat bald man out of my mind. I had no idea at the time but Lance was thinking About ME! How to make ME his bitch, and how to bankrupt my ass over a long period of time. About a week went by and the bike was performing very well. I got home and after parking I went to get the mail. The box was empty and I went into the house, kissed my girl and went to my favorite chair to pull off my boots. Now Jean my girl walked into the front room handed me a beer and than said this came for you today.She handed a small envelope to me and it was from the dealer. I popped open the brewTook a big swig, sat it down and looked at the envelope. opened it up and it was an invite to a dealer sponsored ride that Saturday afternoon. I handed it to her and she that said it might be fun. I agreed and we made plans to attend. We all met at the “dealership” and left together. I noticed that everyone’s helmet had that same little sticker on back of it. Some were silver and white and some gold & white. I wondered.And after a short time were on our way to a near by city. Lance and Davie were on the same bike with Lance driving. Jean tucked in behind me asked why that was. She must have seen the grin on my face in the rearview mirror, saying No, really? Yea, I chuckled. Of course Biff led the pack, his fat ass hanging over each side of the saddle of the latest bike he chose to ride. For the most part the ride went well and both Jean and I enjoyed it. Heading back into the city Lance seemed to be riding a little erratically. I was way to busy keeping us safe on that dark ride home, But MyGal said she noticed movement while Davie and Lance rode home. I won’t go there.I got to at least try to keep it clean as I never know as to whom might this be read by JWe got an invitation to a BBQ at Biffs lake house a month or so later. We missed that one. I have spent a lot of money and time a the “Dealership” over the years, Jean and I got married we have raised two wonderful kids, and all in all I have spent about60,000 in bikes and parts over the years. Not as much as some, but more than others. A few years later Biff retired and Lance & Davie bought the “dealership”. One afternoon I stopped in to get rid of a few beers. One thing about the place is the bathroom is real clean. I found Lance & Davie in a very “private moment”. Lance did to a point make me his “bitch” but only in a monetary sense. I still keep myCheckbook in my back pocket, always will. Davie never really liked me much but that’s fine. If there is a husband in a relationship like that I guess Lance is it. We have invited them to our home on occasion, all on the up and up and they have even shown up a couple of times. Lance likes Martini’s and I like my beer. We respect each other in a way. Davie likes to talk with my wife, sharing “girl things” I guess. Hell I don’t know! Anyway I pissed and headed out the front door pausing long enough to light a smoke. The bikes were packed inside and as I looked around I just happened to look up. Over the door still hung that little sign, Were glad you’re here! It’s at least thirty years old now. Couldn’t help but laugh as I threw a leg over the Goldwings soft black leather saddle. Some things never change. As I was about to pull out of the parking lot A young man on an older mid size motorcycle had his turn signal on. As he turned intoThe parking lot, I just smiled and headed home. Oh, I almost forgot. Those little stickers on the helmets. There an inside badge of honor. The silver & white ones are for the customers that they got in the wallet, the gold & white ones are for the customers they,Ah, let’s just say are special J Tramp