Texas Rules
1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.
2. Let's get this straight; it's called a "gravel road." I drive a Pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
3. They are cattle & fishing lakes. That's what they smell like to you. They smell like money to us. Get over it.
4. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000 combines that are driven only 3 times a year.
5. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.
6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of ducks are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
7. Yeah, we eat Crappi and Catfish and love it. You really want sushi & caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.
8. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a Religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.
9. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of age.
10. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu. Order steak. Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the pound of ham & turkey.
11. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, meats, and meats.
12. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
13. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards --it spooks the fish.
14. You can leave or hold your damn breath when I smoke. You should feel luckeyI'm out of the "good" cigars.
15. Don't freek if Ol' roy (the dog) that is, comes over and sticks his nose in your crotch, thats just his way of sayin' hello.
16. If you notice yellow spots below your BMW tires be thankful ol'roy's justcheckin' em' for leaks.
17. If your 16 year old comes home bitchin' about being raped he may want to cut his hair and start actin' more like a man, around our women folk.
18. If a beer can comes out of my pickups bed and hits your 60 thousand dollarroad coupe ur following to damn close.
19. Now you've seen Texas and don't like us go the hell home.
20. If you see My Harley in My Pickups bed, It ain't broke it's just restin'